recently I've been thinking about the following two strategies for meeting social needs:

1. goal-oriented: you think explicitly "what things do I want more of, socially", and then "what people do I already know who can provide this thing, or else what kind of people might I meet who can do so" and then "how can I go about making that happen". (Of course you can include e.g. the happiness of other people in "things I want more of".)
2. heuristic, vibes-based: you think generally about what kind of person to be, what kind of social opportunities to take, and act based on what feels good and enriching without having an explicit story for how it will help you achieve anything in particular

I think people are often quite goal-oriented about finding a romantic relationship, but quite vibes-based about developing a relationship, although sometimes goal-oriented again about things like marriage and kids. On the other hand, I get the sense that people are usually less goal-oriented about finding and developing friendships.

I have a lot more thoughts than this but I don't have time to elaborate on them right now and refuse to put this post in Draft Hell. But I think probably the trick is to get better at figuring out when each strategy is the right one, or what assumptions they rest on.