"I understand your concern, but" / "I share your concern, but"
Recently I've noticed that this phrase seems especially likely to ring hollow: When I hear someone say it about something that feels important to me, I usually don't believe them. Usually the phrase is accompanied by some degree of a "missing mood": If you're concerned, why do you seem to think that a declaration that you understand should be sufficient argument that in fact this concern is a secondary one? How sure are you that you actually understand?
I don't like it when people just straight-up assert that they've considered and rejected your view, without admitting that they might have misunderstood you or miscategorized you. It's like 10x better, imo, to say "I think I understand your concern, but".
like this
Sam FM
in reply to Ben Weinstein-Raun • •Yeah I strongly prefer the versions of these openers that emphasize uncertainty, rather than certainty.
The certainty version gives me a vibe of trying to shut someone down from saying anything else. Whereas the uncertainty version leaves the door open for clarification, or even actively invites it.
Amber Dawn
in reply to Ben Weinstein-Raun • •Yeah it often feels phatic, or what people do when they are trying to appear like a good listener/balanced interlocutor when actually advocating strongly for their own point of view. (Have definitely either done this myself or said things in that same spirit).
What's better? Maybe just 'that makes sense'?
Tim D
in reply to Ben Weinstein-Raun • •