I think it's cool that I'm in a subculture where polyamory is SO de-stigmatized and available for anyone who wants to do it. Also, some people like to sleep around -- among highly-vetted friends-of-friends -- and I'm happy that I'm in a community that makes this feasible. I am surrounded by chill people who are extremely unjealous and open.

But also???

There's something I'm feeling a bit unsure about.

I think poly social networks seem -- possibly -- more unstable, unpredictable, and disloyal. At least compared to my fantasy vision of a nice ~monogamous community.

I expect marriages are more stable than friendships. But friendships are more stable than unmarried romantic relationships. And all romantic relationships tend to take priority over friendships.

When I befriend someone who is married, I expect predictability. Barring divorce, serious illness, or a business taking off: they will probably stay about as available to me for a long time. And they will often have their spouse with them -- so, if I like their spouse too, we're golden.

When my friend is poly:
- They could always get into a new relationship, which would likely be more important than their friendship with me. i.e. I could kinda be demoted at any time.
- Their new relationship could make them significantly less available.
- Their new relationship could significantly change their mental health or how they think.
- Their new relationship could cause them to move elsewhere.
- Their new partner could become their new default +1. So I'll see them a lot. What if I don't like them? (What if I *do* like them, but I can't see them as easily after they break up?)

Unmarried poly people can be forever open to "something better" than their current primary partner. This instability doesn't just affect their primary partner. It also affects their friends.

And when *I* consider dating people beyond my fiance, that's obviously another, bigger layer of instability. And it seems like the most accessible way to get really close to another human if I'm in a poly community.

People prioritize romance above friendship, therefore, if I want to be prioritized by more than one person in a poly community, I should date more than one person. But unmarried romance is so unstable!

Secondary partnership with a poly person = likely unstable, because most romance is unstable. Close friendship with an unmarried poly person = likely unstable, because they could always get into a new serious relationship that affects our friendship.

I also don't like the feeling of people forever trying to stay sexy to new people. Idk, feels wrong to extend that life stage for too long. I feel like I want people around me to finish exploring and start exploiting.

That said -- you can be married while also being poly and/or slutty. That's cool too. That feels more stable/predictable than doing that stuff while unmarried.

(And in some ways, poly people are MORE stable, since we tend to be friends with our exes, or keep people as secondary partners even when they didn't work out as primaries.)